Friday, August 10, 2012

New thing #39: Fit body wrap

Fit body wrap review from an actual consumer: A month or so ago I snapped up a Groupon offer for a 60-minute Fit body-wrap session, where "clients cloak themselves in a soothing wrap that aims to burn up to 1,400 calories while administering infrared heat to quell aches, relieve pains, and detoxify the body". Sounds awesome, right? I pictured myself in a beautiful spa-like setting, sipping Chardonnay and listening to soothing music while attentive spa boys swathed me in soft linens that had been soaked in aromatic herbal concoctions.

The "spa" had a funny name - it was a "Hair and Skin Center". This probably should have been my first clue. I arrived for my appointment in a driving rainstorm. The office was located in one of those cozy brick office parks that looks like a condo association, complete with decorative window shutters and trendy landscaping. I was the only sucker client in the waiting room. A friendly receptionist had me fill out a short, intrusive medical form then led me to a small beige room to wait for the expert staff who would begin my treatment. There was an exam table along the far wall, which was covered with what I can only describe as a human-size insulated lunch bag. The rest of the room was pure doctor's office decor. The 
only spa-like touches were a calla lily print in a gold frame and two fluffy pillows covered with a blue towel . A big white floor fan was set up near the exam table. 

The "expert staff" turned out to be the receptionist, who had now donned a white lab coat. She handed me a package containing a giant plastic bodysuit complete with attached booties. I shook it out and held it up. Made from a flimsy, transparent waxed-papery material, it would have been a perfect fit if I was seven feet tall. Next she gave me a small can of iFit spray.  I was supposed to apply it liberally to my 'problem areas' before the treatment to jumpstart the fat-burning process . I looked dubiously at the tiny little can, then at the size of my problem areas, then back at the can.  Meanwhile she set the controls on a monitor that was attached to the exam table. The system would pre-heat the human-size insulated lunch bag to optimal temperature, and then hold the heat during the 60-minute session. She ran through a short list of instructions and left, promising to be back in ten minutes to see how I was doing.

I quickly stripped down and doused myself with the contents of the can of iFit spray, about enough to cover my kneecaps.  It smelled exactly like Febreeze. Then I dressed in the giant sandwich bag suit, slid my arms into a pair of insulated cuffs, and crawled into the giant lunch bag. There were two flaps at the top of the bag that I never could quite figure out. I put one over my shoulder and stuck the other somewhere by my right ear, then laid back and waited for something to happen. It didn't take long for the lunch bag to reach optimum roasting temperature. After a few minutes I noticed a faint, vaguely familiar rubbery smell. I realized that I had forgotten to take a Band-Aid off my heel, which was now melting into a permanent blister barrier.


Where is my spa boy?

Thirty minutes later the tech stuck her head in the room, apologizing for forgetting about me. By now I was feeling really sweaty and quite relaxed. I handed her my cell phone and asked her to take a picture for my blog. Then she shut off the lights and left me to finish roasting. Just as I was feeling woozy enough to start hallucinating, the monitor beeped and I was done. I climbed out of the lunch bag and stripped off the now-sticky sandwich bag suit. They didn't have shower facilities so my only option was to stand in front of the fan while using the towel to dry off. They did offer a much-appreciated array of deodorant and body spray (a choice between two scents, Monkey Chow or Fermented Soy), and bottled water to drink. I got dressed and fluffed my sweaty hair in the reflection of the glass covering the calla lily print.  Back in the lobby the receptionist/technician was busy with a pharmaceutical salesman, so I waved and headed out to my car. 

On the positive side, my skin felt flushed and was a flattering rosy tone, which lasted until I stepped outside back into the rain. I also felt really relaxed and flexible thanks to all that moist heat. And although I didn't feel any more fit or toned, I did see a change when I stepped on the scale. I had gained two pounds. 

So, the moral of this story? Be open to New Things, but always read the fine print on a Groupon.

12 comments:

  1. Why does that picture remind me of the "Pea Pod people"...

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  2. Thank you for your review. It was very insightful.

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  3. Sorry, You felt that way. This system is actually wonderful, maybe if you tried it again ( groupon user) you might see the real results that happen in the 4 sessions. And for those of you that have chronic pain it has even more benefits...
    Get more groupons!!

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  4. I laughed my way though this whole post! Thank you for sharing!

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Removed because it was a spam link

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  6. Its actually a great system. I have used it 9 times and lost 13lbs thus far. It has really helped my knees from when I played volley ball and cheered years ago. I recommend this to anyone. Of course you are ringing wet of sweat because its made to detoxify your body and help in loosing calories. That's right, CALORIES ! You will not loose inches or lbs your first visit. Just like a gym; you aren't going to loose lbs your first visit lol. People I swear hehe

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  7. Loved this. I was about to buy one! Thank you!

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  8. Eek! I was about to buy the same Groupon but decided to Google it first. I thought "well, maybe it's just that the place she went was kinda...well, cheap...with all that drab décor." Then I noticed the name of the "spa" is the same as the one on my Groupon as it was on yours, so I guess we're in the same neighborhood. I definitely think I'll pass on this one.

    Off to find some other fun reward for myself for losing 10lbs!

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    1. Congrats on the weight loss! I hope you found a great way to reward yourself. :)

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